I've been very into aesthetics lately - i.e. a colour, or a general vibe, which encompasses an emotion or experience. An outlet for this has been my tumblr, which currently has a sultry, sunset-over-the-city vibe (not in an icky generic way haha) which is just so soothing to me for some reason. I've always been obsessed with the sky and all its different forms. over London the sky goes this deep purple colour at a certain time of night, which has real significance to me. even later, the sky is almost yellow - like it's reluctant to go fully black. skies just hold something so grand and spiritual about them which is both intensely personal and completely impersonal, because the sky belongs to nothing and noone. obviously sunsets are the most overused aesthetic ever, but they don't cease to amaze me every night. the sky evokes so many memories for me.
a picture I took which is both ironically beautiful and kinda sad |
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I watched Lolita yesterday (the Adrian Lyne one), which was uncomfortable and emotionally traumatising (it was pretty explicit) but is a stunning film. Dominique Swain was great in it - Lolita's reckless boredom, self-destructive sexuality and vulnerability was portrayed in a way I felt was really faithful to the original novel. Being so close to Lolita's age makes it strange to watch - you can recognise her autonomy but still sympathise deeply with how she's been manipulated and abused. Lolita's fashion/aesthetic is also amazing in its own disturbing way (think of Lana Del Rey's Off To The Races vibe). overall it's a very engrossing film which is difficult to watch but worth it. I recommend reading the actual novel though; Nabokov is an extremely artful writer.
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I've also been thinking about how weird/amazing the experience of being a teenager is. there's an unspoken solidarity between people my age which somehow binds us together. I can't explain it - there's some intangible essence of being a teen, captured in Lorde's songs, which spins shared boredom into giddy excitement, straw into gold. there's something we know that adults don't. a lingering magic.
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the future is still a foreign concept to me. I know for a fact that my relationship to everyone and everything is going to dramatically change, but that doesn't make it any more fathomable.
anyway,
I had such a long comment and it's disappeared and I'm sad and unsure if this is a good or bad thing. I guess I'll summarize what my essay for a comment said:
ReplyDelete1) I adore the sky! I've been trying to paint the sky (although not recently bc it's dull and grey lol i love irish weather) but it's so hard to encapsulate the colours and infinite feeling of the sky. I love the night sky too. With the moon, stars, and constellations and the varying degrees of darkness. It's all so beautiful.
2) I read Lolita 2 summers ago, and despite how disturbed I felt upon reading it, I can't deny how, I guess, beautifully written it is. Like you said, Nabokov is such an artful writer. I saw a tweet circulation twitter in which someone was critiquing those the fetishize Lolita for aesthetic purposes instead of realizing the heavy topics that Nabokov is writing about. I think that acknowledging the heavy implications of the novel is really important too.
3) I've been thinking a lot about the unspoken solidarity between teens, especially teen girls, as we go through the motions. It's really quite magical.
Vogue Escapade
hi! thanks for your comment - it means a lot to know people are reading this blog, haha.
DeleteI totally agree that there needs to be a balance between acknowledging the beauty and horror of Lolita. I always used to see these tumblr photosets of stills from the film and it's like ?? you can't completely strip the aesthetic of the film from its implications - a lot of Lolita's outfits had the purpose of sexualising her.
The sky is so beautiful and all-encompassing. It's so cool that you paint - grey skies have their own sort of mundane magic, although not one that would be very interesting to draw I guess!
-hannah x
The sky is something I cherish everyday. I have way too many pictures of it on my instagram, hahaha. But I just love looking at it!! I even got a few kids from work to lay on the floor and point out clouds that look like an animal. It's universal, I love it. I saw Lolita a few years ago, and I liked the entire *~*~*~aesthetic~*~*~ of the film, but definitely disturbed. I remember seeing posts on tumblr about how beautiful it was, but they were completely romanticizing the relationship..like...THAT'S SO GROSS, it was so manipulative!!! Anyways, I am in my last year of being a teen and I'm kinda sad about it. These last two years I've cherished being a teen, it has been just so fun!! I wish I was in the same mindset as I am now about being a teen. This stage of our lives is (as Victory said above) SO MAGICAL!!!
ReplyDeletethanks for commenting!
DeleteIt's the same for me - the majority of photos on my phone are different variations of a sunset. The sky never gets old though, it's impossible to have too many pictures of it.
I've still got a few years of teenagehood (made-up word oops) left, but i feel like it's going so quickly. It's definitely a magical time, but it's also something transitional. I'm sure your 20s will be amazing in a different, but just as special, way!
-hannah x