I've been very into aesthetics lately - i.e. a colour, or a general vibe, which encompasses an emotion or experience. An outlet for this has been my tumblr, which currently has a sultry, sunset-over-the-city vibe (not in an icky generic way haha) which is just so soothing to me for some reason. I've always been obsessed with the sky and all its different forms. over London the sky goes this deep purple colour at a certain time of night, which has real significance to me. even later, the sky is almost yellow - like it's reluctant to go fully black. skies just hold something so grand and spiritual about them which is both intensely personal and completely impersonal, because the sky belongs to nothing and noone. obviously sunsets are the most overused aesthetic ever, but they don't cease to amaze me every night. the sky evokes so many memories for me.
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| a picture I took which is both ironically beautiful and kinda sad |
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I watched Lolita yesterday (the Adrian Lyne one), which was uncomfortable and emotionally traumatising (it was pretty explicit) but is a stunning film. Dominique Swain was great in it - Lolita's reckless boredom, self-destructive sexuality and vulnerability was portrayed in a way I felt was really faithful to the original novel. Being so close to Lolita's age makes it strange to watch - you can recognise her autonomy but still sympathise deeply with how she's been manipulated and abused. Lolita's fashion/aesthetic is also amazing in its own disturbing way (think of Lana Del Rey's Off To The Races vibe). overall it's a very engrossing film which is difficult to watch but worth it. I recommend reading the actual novel though; Nabokov is an extremely artful writer.
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I've also been thinking about how weird/amazing the experience of being a teenager is. there's an unspoken solidarity between people my age which somehow binds us together. I can't explain it - there's some intangible essence of being a teen, captured in Lorde's songs, which spins shared boredom into giddy excitement, straw into gold. there's something we know that adults don't. a lingering magic.
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the future is still a foreign concept to me. I know for a fact that my relationship to everyone and everything is going to dramatically change, but that doesn't make it any more fathomable.
anyway,