I went to the most amazing Frida Kahlo exhibition in Rome in the Easter break about a month ago. There was a huge range of works, some of which I had never seen before. There were interpretations of her paintings that gave me more of an understanding of her and her work. She is truly admirable and a fantastic artist - it was so special to see so many of her paintings in one space.
It's half term now and when I go back to school in a week I'm starting my GCSE courses, which is super scary. Because I'm a massive pessimist I am regretting my choices (specifically dance) already and looking at my timetable just makes me shrivel a little inside. I think I love dance but I'll be having it like 4 hours a week and no more art or music EVER AGAIN makes me really sad. My current mindset is either avoiding thinking about GCSEs or being like 'it's only 2 years'. Why is the British school system designed to freak us out from as young an age as possible? Each year at school limits our choices for the future - who ACTUALLY knows what they want to do for the rest of their life by the time they're 14?
I have been lonely and bored today, which I have compensated for with lots of chocolate and some reading - I have just started this great book called 'Emmaus' by Alessandro Baricco which is similar to the Virgin Suicides and just as lyrical/beautiful/coming-of-age-y (shoutout to Jesse and Juniper for lending it to me). I have also spent way too long doing pointless things on the internet, such as refreshing Instagram every few minutes and searching 'I am bored and lonely what should I do' into google. These brain-melting activities led to me writing some existential stream-of-consciousness crap: ('I am a stranger. I am the strangest stranger I
know. Maybe the meaning of life is to grasp the stranger by the shoulders and
spin her around, sit her down and have a meaningful conversation with her. Get
to know this ‘I’, this ‘me’, this ‘self’.')
And then I decided to write this, because I haven't posted anything for ages and I am in the mood.
Probably nobody reads this anymore but I guess that's not the point. It's nice to write, even if it's just for myself. It's really amazing how easy it's become to get your voice into the public void - just start a free blog. All you need is wifi and a brain.
I'm in a weird mood as usual. I'm excited for summer and going to America again. I'm in a band but we don't have a name yet.
Being alive is the strangest experience ever.
I should probably stop now.
bye,
-hannah